salvation by imagination

2003-08-29T15:40:00.000-04:00

HEY, LOOK! IT'S STILL ALIVE! XD

I actually never ever ever post at this thingamajigger anymore because I was forced into a Livejournal relationship by Mina. Here's the address: http://www.livejournal.com/users/murasakimeushi. There you go. ^_^

2003-04-09T17:04:00.000-04:00

whee, more depressing stuff! by the way, I won't be posting much anymore because I'm going to save up money and shat to buy a website and domain name and shat and make a blog and layout and shat. maybe. okay.
-is going to fail the spanish test- ...>_< and I'm so selfish. jesus christ. I'll just paste this like a good lazy girl.
SuperGirlAlania: Mura~ Will you be the priestess? XP
ace tenhei: -snort-
SuperGirlAlania: Please? XP
ace tenhei: -double snort-
ace tenhei: -sulks-
SuperGirlAlania: PLEASE? XP
ace tenhei: -double sulk-
SuperGirlAlania: What's wrong? XP
ace tenhei: -sighs-
ace tenhei: I dunno ._.
ace tenhei: I'm just not feeling happy today.
SuperGirlAlania: *hugs* >.<
SuperGirlAlania: Awwe..
ace tenhei: and it's not like anyone can understand, y'know.
SuperGirlAlania: Don't say that. :P
ace tenhei: I'm usually the one handing out the TLC, no?
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps* >.o I try..
ace tenhei: nobody knows what the hell to do when I'm feeling suicidal and I'm in my little kiddy pool of self-pity and self-hate.
SuperGirlAlania: Well.. don't feel too bad. I don't know what to do.. when anyone's feeling like that..
SuperGirlAlania: >.o I'm bad at stuff like that..
SuperGirlAlania: For instance.. read my profile. :P I'm not good at anything. Including writing profile things.
ace tenhei: that's not true.
ace tenhei: people love you.
ace tenhei: you're a sweet and talented girl.
ace tenhei: however, I...
ace tenhei: ...simply exist.
ace tenhei: I don't make any progress.
ace tenhei: I'm so self-absorbed that I can't see anything that's going on around me.
SuperGirlAlania: You do too..
ace tenhei: I don't.
ace tenhei: you people think I'm a good counselor.
ace tenhei: okay, fine. maybe I am.
ace tenhei: but what else is there?
ace tenhei: am I just here to make other people feel better?
ace tenhei: give them some sort of temporary relief?
ace tenhei: isn't anyone concerned about me?
ace tenhei: I'm not a punching bad.
ace tenhei: *bag
SuperGirlAlania: I know that.. >.< I'm concerned about you..
ace tenhei: you've got your own problems to worry about.
ace tenhei: everyone seems to constantly forget..
ace tenhei: ...that I am more depressed than any of you.
ace tenhei: I am clinically diagnosed with depression, occasional paranoia, antisociality and many, many more.
ace tenhei: I'm jacked up on so many pills, sometimes I can't remember what my phone number is.
ace tenhei: and to top it all off,
ace tenhei: my grades suck, even though I'm smart enough to make better ones.
ace tenhei: my life is one big headache.
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps you and doesn't let go* I know that you're more depressed then anyone else.. It's just.. you listen.. You're a really nice girl, and you're extremely empathetic.. I'm sorry for coming to you with my problems..
ace tenhei: it's not that.
ace tenhei: people coming to me with their problems makes me feel like I'm worth something.
ace tenhei: that people want to listen to what I have to say.
SuperGirlAlania: I always want to listen to you..
ace tenhei: ..ugh.
ace tenhei: I'm such a bitch x_x
ace tenhei: you've got your own problems,
ace tenhei: and here I am complaining about my life.
SuperGirlAlania: It's fine. I don't mind. At all.
ace tenhei: ..shit, am I crying? -gets a paper towel-
SuperGirlAlania: *hugs you* >.<
ace tenhei: -hugs back-
ace tenhei: I'm sorry.
ace tenhei: I don't mean to bitch.
SuperGirlAlania: You are not being a bitch.
ace tenhei: ...I'm really self-absorbed .-.
ace tenhei: my dad says that people are only concerned with themselves.
ace tenhei: but I feel like I'm more selfish than most people.
SuperGirlAlania: You are not selfish.
SuperGirlAlania: You listen to other people, and you make them feel better.
ace tenhei: I am! look at me complaining.
SuperGirlAlania: How is that.. even remotely selfish?
ace tenhei: and look how lovesick I am.
ace tenhei: lovesick as in not a boy lovesick,
ace tenhei: but attention-starved.
ace tenhei: it's so annoying.
ace tenhei: I think that people must hate me, must think I'm some sort of problem.
SuperGirlAlania: NO.. >.< No one thinks that.
SuperGirlAlania: And if they do..
ace tenhei: you guys don't.
SuperGirlAlania: Fuck them. They suck anyway.
ace tenhei: I feel loved around you.
ace tenhei: but then comes my selfishness.
ace tenhei: I didn't think I would ever be concerned about what other people thought of me.
ace tenhei: I want people to like me.
ace tenhei: be interested in me.
SuperGirlAlania: I want them to like me too! That doesn't make you selfish. >.< That makes you normal.
ace tenhei: but I'm not interesting, is the problem.
SuperGirlAlania: I'm not either.
ace tenhei: you are.
SuperGirlAlania: No.
ace tenhei: yes huh.
SuperGirlAlania: No. ><
ace tenhei: yes.
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps you* No. You wanna know why?
ace tenhei: -glomps back- yes, and you don't have to tell me, because you are interesting.
SuperGirlAlania: No. :P
SuperGirlAlania: You are interesting.
SuperGirlAlania: And I know why.
SuperGirlAlania: Because I say so. And I'm ALWAYS right. XP Ask anyone.. :P
ace tenhei: pff.

2003-04-02T20:18:00.000-05:00

yes, mura is going back to non-capitals for today because she is lazy. -_- mura's gaydar struck again!! she read one of those "How to Draw Anime and Manga" books and THERE WAS AN UKE AND SEME-- "He should be drawn in the spirit of being even cuter than girls." XD!!!! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! anyway. today was not exactly a good day. :x mura health problems (head blood ow), bad grades (78 and 67 -strangled sob-) and she had to wait 45 minutes to grudgingly let Jarratt beat GohmaTheBigRetardedLavaScorpion in Wind Waker, who turned out to be a pansy. I suck at video games ;u;
mura is not feeling so good right now, to tell you the truth. when mura is depressed during the daytime/early evening, her chest/middle area burns slightly and she can't smile because she has no energy in her face........and I pause a lot and just look at nothing in particular, but I look down ._. and my brows furrow unconsciously and I am just an object full of despair and loneliness and lies. like I lie to myself and I feel that I make no difference in the world and my friends don't really like me, and just think I'm annoying..it's all so stupid and selfish of me. mura is very selfish and it's so revolting and disgusting...and I'm retarded! look, mura just used two synonyms. how dumb. x_x "syn" means "with or together", now that I think back to my LA class...
...which reminds me that I really wanna get my own website and webspace and domain name and all the huzzaballoohoohah. somehow, it feels like...people would respect me more?...x_x told you I was retarded. nobody would likely visit it anyway. that's about it, apart from the fact that I think I am going to bleed to death. here is some random spam: the artist who I got a kiriban for--his mailbox is full so I can't fucking send it =_= and zac hasn't mailed me back, and I wonder if I offended him...m' so paranoid. it was sweet of him to mention me on his blog. ^_^ he is a nice guy, it'll be nice to see him again. mura respects people who stick to lent :O

2003-03-21T20:47:00.000-05:00

Mura needs t'learn HTML. It's very intimidating, though o_o I wanna become multi-talented like Sei-ko and Eike and Emily Raine and and...yeah.

[SPAM] Innuendo Songs Of The Moment, Brought To You By VH1: Turning Japanese, Love Shack, Afternoon Delight, Relax [/SPAM]

Sei-ko also said that I am a very good beta-reader, which is basically an editor. That PROVES I'm not a total retard!

2003-03-10T16:05:00.000-05:00

I wonder if I should get a Livejournal. 'Cause people can comment on that thar thingy. But...I love my little bloogie woggie color-changing layout ;u; Oh, and also, here are some quiz results.

2003-03-03T17:22:00.000-05:00

OHHH LOOORD MY BLOG IS ON GOOGLE!!! -FAINTS- THIS IS A FLIPPIN' GOOD DAY! XD XD...anyway. Not much to say...my computer got seriously fucked up (I can say fuck now without any hesitation! Ah feel like a wench! WOO-HOO!) and I had to get it fixed. Damn Connect2Party. Jarratt's a little mother. >_o I also dated Jenna for five days, realized that I was lying to myself and her, and broke it off. Gad, I'm stupid. >< Also, my back hurts and I am jacked up on many a medication. I couldn't post because my computer was fuzzed up and such. u_u Okay, see you later. Oh!! And I got this cool-ass game called "Galerians: Ash"! Yes, the gameplay sucks very badly, but Rion is hot like wasabi and Ash kissed him full on the lips. I love Sammy. Ahhh.....

EDIT: ALSO ALSO!! I am hungry and .hack\\infection is cool. I was going to post something else, but I forgot was it was as soon as I clicked here. Pathetic. u_u Hey, you! Check out Amitie on digital-sundown.com! Witness the madness!! XD

2003-02-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

Whoa, that lock-in was fun! It's hard to keep telling yourself you don't have a religion when you're bouncing up and down singing and singing and smacking into people and such. And, behold...FOR I HAVE THE COOLEST LOOKING PANTS ON THE EAST COAST. THEY KICK YOUR PANTS'S ASS...YES, SINGULAR. ASS. WHOO. Since I have bad grammar, I can never tell...They were in my closet for 2 years, those pants, as they were too small for me to get on, but I loved how they looked so I bought them anyway. Mura is a stupid shopper. And lo, due to my recent weight loss, I COULD GET IN 'EM XXDDD WHOOOOOOOO!!! Nicholas and Brittany and Jessie made me play wallball and dodgeball and crap. And Nicholas and Brittany didn't fall down!! Scheisse! (one of my favorite foreign words :3) I got home at 7:00 in the morning, dead tired. I also met a girl who was fun to mess with =3 Think her name was Erin.

2003-01-31T16:31:00.000-05:00

(32^#$&!$&)(*&$@%@&*%(* BLOGGER BITCH BACK BUTTON FNRRREHRHHHAHAHAHAHAHA -MROO-) Mura is going to a church lock-in that her friend Brittany invited her to! Nicholas and Jessie are also coming. It's not really a lock-in, as we are going to the American Family Fitness Center at 9:00 at night and then to Skate Nation. Brit and Nicholas don't know how to skate WHOAHOHO NEWBS. -cough- I never fell down when I first started skating, so they'll be fine, seeing as I am a huge dorky klutz (ask anyone). I actually asked Jarratt to push me down a few times, 'cause skating just isn't fun if you don't fall down at least twice. But though all of this is fun, Mura must bring a great deal of money ($20+), fill out medical sheets in case she has an accident, and
a) - Not continually bring up controversial subjects
b) - No cracking gay jokes
and c) - No swearing. How am I going to figure THAT out? O_O

Silent Hill 2 Progress: Went down a dark hallway. Realized the pyramid head thing was behind me and shot at it. Shot Maria in the head instead. Oops.

2003-01-30T19:22:00.000-05:00

Whoa, the pyramid helmet poked James and he slammed into a fence, broke through it, and fell through the roof. Hah XD! Anyway, MUDMASTER IS A BITCH AND SO IT TELENET.EXE BECAUSE THEY AREN'T ON MY COMPUTER WHAT IS A .DLL ANYWAY AND WHY IS MY COMPUTER SO SPAMMY AND RETARDED THE SOUND CARD HAS BEEN BUSTED FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS w&y$@y#$!&$*^&!$#*$^%*(&*))*^*%^$@$@!&%(*^$)*^)_(% SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew. My mouth is on FIYAAH! Spicy sausage! Also, we did not have school today so my mom took me and dragged my brother to the school where she works, Fairfield Elementary (sp?) School. Now, a kid my age who was in the fifth grade (meaning he was 14 and still in elementary school) had gotten shot a few months prior to this. Over a basketball game. Ahhha. Yes, this school was in the ghetto and Jarratt was having a field day. He was convinced we were going to get shot. XD It was great fun though, because all the kids love me and I love them. Ten minutes after I got there a wee boy came up to me and hugged me and said "I wuff youuu." And I said "I love you too." And lo, all the little children attempted to suffocate me. DOGPILE. There was a little brat there named Jesus (pronounced Heysoos...wait a second.........oh my. Ironic. XD;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;) who pushed all the other kids and threw fits and cried all the time. x_x I really loved those guys, though. They were awesome.
AND DID YOU KNOW?!!?!?!?!?!?! Polar bears are TEN FEET TALL!!! And bears lay eggs or something. This is according to the Eyewitness video we watched in class. x3

2003-01-29T17:42:00.000-05:00

-WHINES- I had to re-load this, god damn Backspace button >______________<

Silent Hill 2 is GREAT! But very confusing, I'm stuck again. And when James ran into a closet after he saw the pyramid thing humping and/or raping those leggy monster things, I laughed. XD But I can only keep the game for today and tomorrow ;O;!!!!! -WHINE-...Oh yeah! The psychologist appointment! I talked to him about how I was concerned about Jenna, Mandy and Po and their love triangle thing and yeah. He got all freaked out when I said Jenna had a crush on Mandy, and started on how she must have been sexually abused or something. And then we talked about how pretty I was. -grunts- Maybe I should see a different psychologist...but he might be the best in the area, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by leaving him. Then again, my parents are paying for me to see him. This is gonna be hard.
Also! I have a weird red splotchy thingy on the tip of my right hand's index finger! Bethany, my friend since 5th grade whose mom was and still is a nurse at the elementary school we went to, says it might be a blood clot or just a bruise. There's no cut, it's under the skin...ooh! MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS! And my back hurts like a mother, too! OH~~ I had accepted my fate to run and exhaust myself in gym after pining over it all day and then the teacher said we had Health for the next four class periods. I love my life. *_*;...well, sometimes. I got a 78 on my Spanish exam or on the report card and summat >____< My friend got an 83, which made me feel extremely stupid because I usually score higher than her. Isn't that horrible of me? I gotta change my attitude a little, somehow T_T El tired...

2003-01-28T16:06:00.000-05:00

My nose is bleeding again x_x Dad and Jarratt say it's because of the weather, but I don't believe them. I'm just a big health problem amoeba. In other news, I'm gonna rent Silent Hill 2 today *_* I hear you can beat undead mutated children with a lead pipe! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! And I'm about to go to my psychologist's :O I hope I can actually get some stuff done with him today, because we usually end up discussing how pretty I will be when I lose a little weight and take off my braces (yes, he said all that). Worse yet, I end up playing his computer games x_X! http://www.braintrain.com (I'm not fancy enough yet to know how to use HTML to make a link, so copy and paste it in the address bar for Mura, ok?) That's his webby-site~~ Okay, see ya!

Different Ways To Say My Name: Elizebeth, Lizzy, Betty, Bee, Beth, Liz, Beatrix, Beatrice, Bett, Bethany, Bethanie, Bethia, Lilibet, Betsey, Betsy, Betts, Lizbeth, Lisbeth, Eliza, Elisa, Elisha, Elisabeth...x_x Dude. Also, Isabel is the Spanish version and Bethan is the Welsh.

2003-01-27T15:06:00.000-05:00

FLUFFING HELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME. I doubt ANYONE reads this, but anyway. The reason I didn't update is because I thought I could make my own layout. Or use Greymatter somehow. But since I'm a dumbass and I didn't know you had to have webspace to use Greymatter, this poor baby got neglected. AGAIN. AHA. XD Anyway. I developed some RPG characters outside my dinky little series ideas! Jin and Rannon. Jin is quiet and polite and his arm is...well, that's spoilerish. As if I didn't already give it away. XD And Rannon, simply put, is a super-uke. I mean...DAMN. He couldn't seme Shirley Temple. You couldn't seme her anyway though cause she isn't a little redheaded thing anymore and is female....do you see how my train of thought works? Mruuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~ Speaking of MRUU, that's the way you say MOO in Spanish. No kiddin'. I saw a children's book En Español (Yes, I went to Programs - Accessories - System Tools - Character Map JUST TO MAKE THAT LOOK SPIFFY) that said something like Cows Typing MOO. A...hem. Anyway. WORD TO YER MOTHER AND PEACE OUT!

EDIT: Forgot. I have a video game wish list. x3 Silent Hill 2 (old, I know, PS2) , Ico (also old, PS2), Devil May Cry 2 (PS2, and if I had waited to buy DMC for 20 bucks a fee weeks ago, I could have gotten it for free with DMC2 as a Circuit City special! Dammit!! -sobs-), .hack//infection (PS2 -UNGH-), Dance Dance Revolution MAX (PS2, and I have to buy the big assed dance pad as well), Capcom vs. SNK: EO (PS2 -UNGH x 2-), Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (shut up! GC)

2002-10-09T17:55:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry, lovie, I've neglected you. -glomps on sweeto color changing layout- Not much for updates though~! God dammit, I'm thinking the stupidest thing ever again XD "Hmm, should I capitalize all my sentances ((I know I spelled that wrong. Shut up, I never get it right XD;)) and names?"...What a pressing topic. Jeebus.
I can't beat Riku/Ansem! He's being a thorn in mah ass......Nothing else to write about. Jah~~

2002-09-25T16:01:00.000-04:00

oh my lord in heaven...I got a 58 and a 10 on 2 quizzes. I don't deserve to live -wilts- now I've got to get Jarratt to tutor me somehow. I went to two doctors' appointments today and missed to periods though, w00t~ and I tried smiling all day. I actually made friends with a 7th grader named Christine. she had a friends I met in the locker room earlier too, her name's Jenny (she's 14 and still in 7th!! O_O; but she's nice. she likes Star Wars :3) aaand my throat hurts. ok, see you space cowboys~

Kingdom Hearts progress: Agrabah
Current Catchy Tune: Simple and Clean (I'm obsessed with KH.)

2002-09-23T19:18:00.000-04:00

hmm, I really should start on my homework. I will in a minute. anyway, today was a pretty good day. nothing really bad happened. (I wonder if I should start to begin and end my sentances ((yes, I know I spelled that wrong.)) with capital letters?) mm, I didn't turn in my project yesterday either -.-. I think I will try to work harder. there are a few things I'd like to improve about myself~...like learning some self-control and discipline. (I sound really out of character today o.o) and maybe try to be less dramatic because that seems to upset people.

and the camera angles in Kingdom Hearts are murder. :x

2002-09-22T19:37:00.000-04:00

bwa. aha. haha. XD;;