salvation by imagination

HEY, LOOK! IT'S STILL ALIVE! XD

I actually never ever ever post at this thingamajigger anymore because I was forced into a Livejournal relationship by Mina. Here's the address: http://www.livejournal.com/users/murasakimeushi. There you go. ^_^

whee, more depressing stuff! by the way, I won't be posting much anymore because I'm going to save up money and shat to buy a website and domain name and shat and make a blog and layout and shat. maybe. okay.
-is going to fail the spanish test- ...>_< and I'm so selfish. jesus christ. I'll just paste this like a good lazy girl.
SuperGirlAlania: Mura~ Will you be the priestess? XP
ace tenhei: -snort-
SuperGirlAlania: Please? XP
ace tenhei: -double snort-
ace tenhei: -sulks-
SuperGirlAlania: PLEASE? XP
ace tenhei: -double sulk-
SuperGirlAlania: What's wrong? XP
ace tenhei: -sighs-
ace tenhei: I dunno ._.
ace tenhei: I'm just not feeling happy today.
SuperGirlAlania: *hugs* >.<
SuperGirlAlania: Awwe..
ace tenhei: and it's not like anyone can understand, y'know.
SuperGirlAlania: Don't say that. :P
ace tenhei: I'm usually the one handing out the TLC, no?
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps* >.o I try..
ace tenhei: nobody knows what the hell to do when I'm feeling suicidal and I'm in my little kiddy pool of self-pity and self-hate.
SuperGirlAlania: Well.. don't feel too bad. I don't know what to do.. when anyone's feeling like that..
SuperGirlAlania: >.o I'm bad at stuff like that..
SuperGirlAlania: For instance.. read my profile. :P I'm not good at anything. Including writing profile things.
ace tenhei: that's not true.
ace tenhei: people love you.
ace tenhei: you're a sweet and talented girl.
ace tenhei: however, I...
ace tenhei: ...simply exist.
ace tenhei: I don't make any progress.
ace tenhei: I'm so self-absorbed that I can't see anything that's going on around me.
SuperGirlAlania: You do too..
ace tenhei: I don't.
ace tenhei: you people think I'm a good counselor.
ace tenhei: okay, fine. maybe I am.
ace tenhei: but what else is there?
ace tenhei: am I just here to make other people feel better?
ace tenhei: give them some sort of temporary relief?
ace tenhei: isn't anyone concerned about me?
ace tenhei: I'm not a punching bad.
ace tenhei: *bag
SuperGirlAlania: I know that.. >.< I'm concerned about you..
ace tenhei: you've got your own problems to worry about.
ace tenhei: everyone seems to constantly forget..
ace tenhei: ...that I am more depressed than any of you.
ace tenhei: I am clinically diagnosed with depression, occasional paranoia, antisociality and many, many more.
ace tenhei: I'm jacked up on so many pills, sometimes I can't remember what my phone number is.
ace tenhei: and to top it all off,
ace tenhei: my grades suck, even though I'm smart enough to make better ones.
ace tenhei: my life is one big headache.
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps you and doesn't let go* I know that you're more depressed then anyone else.. It's just.. you listen.. You're a really nice girl, and you're extremely empathetic.. I'm sorry for coming to you with my problems..
ace tenhei: it's not that.
ace tenhei: people coming to me with their problems makes me feel like I'm worth something.
ace tenhei: that people want to listen to what I have to say.
SuperGirlAlania: I always want to listen to you..
ace tenhei: ..ugh.
ace tenhei: I'm such a bitch x_x
ace tenhei: you've got your own problems,
ace tenhei: and here I am complaining about my life.
SuperGirlAlania: It's fine. I don't mind. At all.
ace tenhei: ..shit, am I crying? -gets a paper towel-
SuperGirlAlania: *hugs you* >.<
ace tenhei: -hugs back-
ace tenhei: I'm sorry.
ace tenhei: I don't mean to bitch.
SuperGirlAlania: You are not being a bitch.
ace tenhei: ...I'm really self-absorbed .-.
ace tenhei: my dad says that people are only concerned with themselves.
ace tenhei: but I feel like I'm more selfish than most people.
SuperGirlAlania: You are not selfish.
SuperGirlAlania: You listen to other people, and you make them feel better.
ace tenhei: I am! look at me complaining.
SuperGirlAlania: How is that.. even remotely selfish?
ace tenhei: and look how lovesick I am.
ace tenhei: lovesick as in not a boy lovesick,
ace tenhei: but attention-starved.
ace tenhei: it's so annoying.
ace tenhei: I think that people must hate me, must think I'm some sort of problem.
SuperGirlAlania: NO.. >.< No one thinks that.
SuperGirlAlania: And if they do..
ace tenhei: you guys don't.
SuperGirlAlania: Fuck them. They suck anyway.
ace tenhei: I feel loved around you.
ace tenhei: but then comes my selfishness.
ace tenhei: I didn't think I would ever be concerned about what other people thought of me.
ace tenhei: I want people to like me.
ace tenhei: be interested in me.
SuperGirlAlania: I want them to like me too! That doesn't make you selfish. >.< That makes you normal.
ace tenhei: but I'm not interesting, is the problem.
SuperGirlAlania: I'm not either.
ace tenhei: you are.
SuperGirlAlania: No.
ace tenhei: yes huh.
SuperGirlAlania: No. ><
ace tenhei: yes.
SuperGirlAlania: *glomps you* No. You wanna know why?
ace tenhei: -glomps back- yes, and you don't have to tell me, because you are interesting.
SuperGirlAlania: No. :P
SuperGirlAlania: You are interesting.
SuperGirlAlania: And I know why.
SuperGirlAlania: Because I say so. And I'm ALWAYS right. XP Ask anyone.. :P
ace tenhei: pff.

yes, mura is going back to non-capitals for today because she is lazy. -_- mura's gaydar struck again!! she read one of those "How to Draw Anime and Manga" books and THERE WAS AN UKE AND SEME-- "He should be drawn in the spirit of being even cuter than girls." XD!!!! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! anyway. today was not exactly a good day. :x mura health problems (head blood ow), bad grades (78 and 67 -strangled sob-) and she had to wait 45 minutes to grudgingly let Jarratt beat GohmaTheBigRetardedLavaScorpion in Wind Waker, who turned out to be a pansy. I suck at video games ;u;
mura is not feeling so good right now, to tell you the truth. when mura is depressed during the daytime/early evening, her chest/middle area burns slightly and she can't smile because she has no energy in her face........and I pause a lot and just look at nothing in particular, but I look down ._. and my brows furrow unconsciously and I am just an object full of despair and loneliness and lies. like I lie to myself and I feel that I make no difference in the world and my friends don't really like me, and just think I'm annoying..it's all so stupid and selfish of me. mura is very selfish and it's so revolting and disgusting...and I'm retarded! look, mura just used two synonyms. how dumb. x_x "syn" means "with or together", now that I think back to my LA class...
...which reminds me that I really wanna get my own website and webspace and domain name and all the huzzaballoohoohah. somehow, it feels like...people would respect me more?...x_x told you I was retarded. nobody would likely visit it anyway. that's about it, apart from the fact that I think I am going to bleed to death. here is some random spam: the artist who I got a kiriban for--his mailbox is full so I can't fucking send it =_= and zac hasn't mailed me back, and I wonder if I offended him...m' so paranoid. it was sweet of him to mention me on his blog. ^_^ he is a nice guy, it'll be nice to see him again. mura respects people who stick to lent :O

Mura needs t'learn HTML. It's very intimidating, though o_o I wanna become multi-talented like Sei-ko and Eike and Emily Raine and and...yeah.

[SPAM] Innuendo Songs Of The Moment, Brought To You By VH1: Turning Japanese, Love Shack, Afternoon Delight, Relax [/SPAM]

Sei-ko also said that I am a very good beta-reader, which is basically an editor. That PROVES I'm not a total retard!

I wonder if I should get a Livejournal. 'Cause people can comment on that thar thingy. But...I love my little bloogie woggie color-changing layout ;u; Oh, and also, here are some quiz results.

OHHH LOOORD MY BLOG IS ON GOOGLE!!! -FAINTS- THIS IS A FLIPPIN' GOOD DAY! XD XD...anyway. Not much to say...my computer got seriously fucked up (I can say fuck now without any hesitation! Ah feel like a wench! WOO-HOO!) and I had to get it fixed. Damn Connect2Party. Jarratt's a little mother. >_o I also dated Jenna for five days, realized that I was lying to myself and her, and broke it off. Gad, I'm stupid. >< Also, my back hurts and I am jacked up on many a medication. I couldn't post because my computer was fuzzed up and such. u_u Okay, see you later. Oh!! And I got this cool-ass game called "Galerians: Ash"! Yes, the gameplay sucks very badly, but Rion is hot like wasabi and Ash kissed him full on the lips. I love Sammy. Ahhh.....

EDIT: ALSO ALSO!! I am hungry and .hack\\infection is cool. I was going to post something else, but I forgot was it was as soon as I clicked here. Pathetic. u_u Hey, you! Check out Amitie on digital-sundown.com! Witness the madness!! XD

Whoa, that lock-in was fun! It's hard to keep telling yourself you don't have a religion when you're bouncing up and down singing and singing and smacking into people and such. And, behold...FOR I HAVE THE COOLEST LOOKING PANTS ON THE EAST COAST. THEY KICK YOUR PANTS'S ASS...YES, SINGULAR. ASS. WHOO. Since I have bad grammar, I can never tell...They were in my closet for 2 years, those pants, as they were too small for me to get on, but I loved how they looked so I bought them anyway. Mura is a stupid shopper. And lo, due to my recent weight loss, I COULD GET IN 'EM XXDDD WHOOOOOOOO!!! Nicholas and Brittany and Jessie made me play wallball and dodgeball and crap. And Nicholas and Brittany didn't fall down!! Scheisse! (one of my favorite foreign words :3) I got home at 7:00 in the morning, dead tired. I also met a girl who was fun to mess with =3 Think her name was Erin.